The Unconventional Guide to Western Toilets

21 Mar 2014

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Please read the article “Indian Toilet vs Western Toilet” before reading this post, to understand the concept that’s being discussed here. In that article, I strongly suggested installing an eastern type (squatting type) toilet in your home, which is the best that you can do to your colon. I also understand that it is not quite easy to do, in most of the developed countries. The squatting type toilets are simply not available in the market. What will those poor souls do?. Hmm… There must be alternate options right?.

Yeah. There are.

For the past 10 months, I was doing a secret experiment - “Instead of changing the toilets, why don’t we change our posture while using them?”. The whole idea is to bring the torso as close to the thighs as possible. Right?.

I started with squatting on top of the western toilets. I am very healthy and I didn’t find it difficult to defecate in this position. I was trying out this method for close to 5 months. In one of those busiest days in Sapient, I have to use the loo in the office. Unfortunately, my office had a wall mounted western toilet. I was not even ready to attempt this posture in the new office. Just then realized that this method has very serious drawbacks and prone to accidents if you are heavy. I have to shit and get back to a meeting in 10 minutes and I don’t want to sit on top of a wall mounted western toilet. What to do?.

Out of nowhere, I got the idea for the below posture. Theists can call it - “Divine Intervention” :)

Posture 1

Western Toilets Posture 1

When you try this posture, please keep your legs as wide as possible. You can rest your palms on your legs or on the floor if the floor is clean. Since you keep your legs wide, you will have to remove your pants. Yeah. Since you are alone in the loo, that should be OK. Right?. This posture is very comfortable and I use this posture, most of the time. There is some minor inconvenience when you start this method.

  1. It’s in your mind. You feel like someone’s fucking you from behind. I felt that. It was awkward. This feeling goes off in few days. You will get used to this posture.
  2. If you are in this posture for a long time, you can feel the strain in your arms. I suggest to sit in normal position and only when you get the urge, move to this position to defecate. It’s effective.
  3. If you have a big belly or high BP or pregnant, please don’t attempt this posture. This is not for you guys.

Posture 2

Western Toilets Posture 2

This is the enhanced version of the previous posture. This posture reduces the strain on your arms. You can use a bucket or any other object that you have in your bathroom. Please make sure that you bend forward as much as you could (i.e.) use a small bucket or stool. So far, I have not faced any inconveniences using this posture. Please let me know if there are any.

Both of these postures will not work if you are overweight or could not bend down for some reason. Squatty Potty may help.

Squatty Potty

Squatty Potty works on the same principle of bringing the torso closer to the thighs. I didn’t order Squatty Potty. But testing the concept with a sturdy plastic stool. It works as promised. If you are big and heavy, this is the most viable option for you. It also has minor inconveniences.

  1. If you are thin or average built like me, you may feel like sinking into the toilet seat. Few of my friends who are actively using this technique doesn’t feel that way. It could be just my feeling.
  2. You cannot carry the squatty potty to all the places. It’s better that you practice the other two postures for emergency use.

Pencil Sketches by Samuel.

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