The Five Love Languages - How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate

05 Jul 2011

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Book: The Five Love Languages
Author: Gary Chapman
ISBN-13: 978-8186775097

Thank You…Thank You…Thank You…Thank You…Thank You…

This is all I can say to Dr. Gary Chapman for writing such a beautiful, much-needed book. I would recommend this book to ALL, irrespective of whether you are in love, married, living together or whatever is your marital status. This book packs a lot of real wisdom which can potentially save a lot of marriages from the brink of divorce. Imagine, what this book can do to the already amazing marriages and couples?. Dr. Gary Chapman guides us to identify the means to communicate your heartfelt love to your spouse.

If you speak in Japanese to a Chinese, he would not understand. So, does speaking in Tamil to native Indians. It’s as simple as that. People feel loved when we express love in a way that they can understand. Dr. Chapman categorizes these variations in expressing love into five categories. He starts with the emotional “In-Love” experience and why that experience fades away slowly after marriage and points out what’s missing. It’s not that we do not love each other anymore, it’s just that we consistently fail to communicate love in a way that he/she understands it. Great.

Your love language and your spouses may not be the same and it could be difficult for you to learn and speak your spouse’s language. But, do learn. The results are amazing.

The five love languages are:

1. Words of Affirmation

Simple words of affirmation/appreciation from your heart. Appreciating the simple things that your spouse does for you. For some people, words mean much more than anything else in the world. These simple appreciations goes a long way in building that special relationship that everyone longs for.

2. Quality Time

By quality time, he means giving your undivided attention to your spouse frequently. Maybe sitting with her on the couch and talking to her for 15 minutes a day (remember to switch off the TV). Listen. Let her talk. Don’t give solutions, if she did not ask for it. Learning to listen could be difficult for many men. On an average, we could listen for 7 seconds before we pump our thoughts into the discussion. Just listen. Or just spend time with her. Go for a walk. Do things together.As simple as that. For many women, this means a lot. A quality time during the extreme happiness and during a crisis will remain in her memory till her last breath.

3. Receiving Gifts

The gifts need not be expensive and we know that everyone cannot afford. But, gifts are the token of love which remains for a long time. You could pick up the flower in the backyard. Make a gift card by yourself or enroll yourself in an art class, just for creating a gift for her. Gift her and touch her heart and you get everything from her :)

4. Acts of Service

Some people express their love to their spouse by service. Jesus is a perfect example of this type. For some, giving gifts or spending time with her or praising her won’t mean much, when the house is a mess, clothes all over the rooms and the yards need maintenance. So, if your spouses love language is Acts of Service, the only way to her heart is by doing things for her. Maybe, cleaning the dishes, doing the laundry and taking care of the baby when she is not well etc.

5. Physical Touch

Most men misunderstand that this is their primary language. By Physical Touch, Dr. Chapman doesn’t refer only Sexual Intercourse. Of course, that is most important for almost every men. But, need not necessarily be your primary love language. This language means holding the hands together, hugging, kissing, rubbing the back, sitting close in the couch and feeling great when your partner touches you (even in the day when you don’t have sex).

Dr. Chapman provides a quiz & scoring system for men and women at the end to help us identify our primary love language. Many of us will be bi-lingual and multilingual. Understand your primary love language and your spouse’s love language and speak love. Happy Married Life !!!

PS: Here is my order of love languages for the girls who are interested to touch my heart.

  1. Physical Touch - 12
  2. Quality Time - 8
  3. Words of Affirmation - 6
  4. Receiving Gifts - 3
  5. Acts of Service - 1
Please buy the book from your local bookstore.

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