A Goodbye Email from a Hardcore Programmer

21 Nov 2013

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I quit TCS. Today is my last day. I wanted my final goodbye email to be very special, unique and resemble what I did in TCS. This is what I sent to my colleagues today :)

/**
 @author Premkumar Masilamani
 @company Tata Consultancy Services
 @about My Life in TCS
 @startDate 03-Nov-2004
 @endDate 21-Nov-2013
 */

import com.hindustancollege.ComputerScienceDegree;
import com.love.programming.SoftwareEngineerDream;

public class PremsLifeInTCS extends SoftwareEngineerDream implements ComputerScienceDegree {

  public static void main(String[] args) {

    // Phase 1 - Jobless Wanderer
    do {
      attendInterview();
      if (gotJobInTCS) {
        passedInterview = true;
      }
    while (!passedInterview);

    // Phase 2 - Learning the Trade
    while (working12PlusHoursADay()) {
      learnTechnology();
    }

    // Phase 3 - Dollor Dreams
    for (int i = 0; i < 10000; i++) {
      askForOnsite();
      if (yes) {
        gotoUnitedStates();
        break;
      else {
        continue;
      }
    }

    // Phase 3 - Enjoy Life in US
    while (inUnitedStates) {
      noWorkAllPlay();
      if (tcsLostTheProject()) {
        comeBackToIndia();
        break;
      }
    }

    // Phase 4 - Trying to fit in the corporate world
    if (foughtWithManager() || foughtWithClient() || notOKWithApplicationDesign() 
                    || workedFor2Years()) {
      switch (project) {
      case AMEX:
        break;
      case TEG:
        break;
      case TFS:
        break;
      case LandG:
        break;
      default:
        dontGotoOffice();
      }
    }

    // Phase 5 - Kindling my romantic side
    while (notGoingToOffice()) {
      dateGirls();
      if (foundTheRightOne()) {
        marryHer("Sangavi");
      }
    }

    // Phase 6 - Becoming a family man
    goToOnsite(chooseOnsite(maxCurrencyRate("US""GB""SG""AU")));
    while (inUnitedKingdom) {
      makeFriends();
      hostParties();
      workHard();
      if (visaExpired) {
        comeBackToIndia();
        break;
      }

    }

    // Phase 7 - Doing the inevitable
    if (!challengingWork() && !changingProject() && !learningNewTechnology() 
               && gotGoodOffer()) {
      sayGoodByeToTCS("Thanks to everyone in TCS");
      pleaseKeepInTouch();
    }

  }

  public static void pleaseKeepInTouch() {
    viaBlog("http://blog.smileprem.com/contact/");
    viaLinkedIn("http://www.linkedin.com/in/premkumarmasilamani");
    // viaFacebook("http://www.facebook.com/i-do-not-use-fb");
    // viaTwitter("http://twitter.com/i-do-not-use-twitter");
    if (emergency) {
      viaPhone("xxx-xxx-xxxx");
    }
  }
}


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